How I lost you…

Looks like I have lost you… Today, can be counted as one of those dark days in my life.. The day when the world seems upside down.. Words fail me, in explaining what I am being put through…

You have been my true companion all these years.. You gave a meaning to my life. You helped me enjoy the beauty of the world through a different angle. You helped me distinguish, the good from the bad. You made me whole. I knew I would lose you some day. But not so soon. This has hit me out of the blue..

I remember the multiple times you have saved my life. Once from a domestic gas explosion. Another time from the dangerous fumes of ammonia and methane. Whenever someone tried to poison me through food , you came to my aid. I owe you my life..

You always gave me an edge over others. I would be the first one to know when mom was in a good mood. My garden has no meaning without you. In fact, it was all for you. The lovely vanilla plantation at home.. How will I ever get those childhood memories back, now that you are gone..

And our other friends.. Oh. how they would miss you!! Many of them have no existence without you. They have already started to tread their path to doom. When the first mishap hit you 10 months back, we all fought together to get you back. And you did come back..though it left you permanently damaged. We tried hard to keep you from a subsequent attack,which would impair you further. But sorry my dear.. I failed you..

I think I have really lost you this time.. Oh my dear.. “sense of smell”!!!!


Reflections of my Mind – A Tribute!!

Its been 5 years.. 5 long years since I wrote anything here.. Have terribly missed it. After all these years , it still feels special to be back. To pen down what clogs my mind.

Today.. a drizzly Friday evening.. this is the day I choose. And I choose it for a reason.. My mind is full and brimming.. As I travel back home, after a week of work.. the work that I enjoy.. the work with the people I enjoy being with.. , I feel the urge to finally write J

This is about a part of me.. This is about that something, I hold close to my heart. This is about .. Friendship.. All those friendships I have experienced. This is a tribute to everyone who have accompanied me in my journey so far in life. From the first friends as a toddler to the ones who accompany me for a tea outside office. This is an ode to each one of you.

When I see my lil daughter play with her friend, it’s a reminder of the good times I had with the first friend that I remember of. Never did I realize until many many years later that he was older than me by 5 years. I still remember having bossed over him and always got my way in everything. A successful doctor today, and an even better human being, I am happy that I we are still in contact.

The first girls gang I had was at the age of 5 . We 3 were nothing less than Power-puff girls (or so is what we thought). We were 1 yr apart in age, with me being the youngest. We even took strong resolves and oaths to be followed for the rest of our lives. One such was to never drink tea until the age of 12. A resolve which was followed to the word. We never met each other after the age of 8, when we relocated to India. After 18 long years, Facebook brought us in contact again. Happy to know how your lives have evolved!

Then there were so many friends in school. Some who stayed. Some who just brushed past.  Some who had deep impacts in my heart. We still stay in touch. These are friendships which passed the test of time. Friends whom I can truly rely on. Friends who accept me as I am. Where I never have to act. Love you all for being there in thick and thin. For bearing with all my annoyances. What you mean to me is inexplicable. To all of you my dears.. To the complete BMV gang.. Cheers!! Its here , that I got my first best friend too. You will remain most special till lights out J

In college, did I meet a lot of wonderful people too. The ones who made the boring lectures very interesting. The ones who came over to my home on weekends.. The ones who invited us over for functions in far-off towns.. Ones who taught me its okay  to be crazy. Ones who made me laugh without limits. Ones who were true pillars of support. Someone who stood up for me whenever I needed. Who helped me do everything I thought I could never achieve. Who taught me to believe, nothing is impossible J My dear Amritians.. we might not be in constant contact but you still live in my heart. Am106cs001 to am106cs066 and am106cs0502, I can never forget the time I spent with you.

CEERI.. you brought a new set of wonderful friends with you. Awesome seniors.. Adorable juniors and my dear dear brothers (read as batchmates). If I have survived with you.. I can survive everywhere. J From bearing with my awful Hindi to my boring philosophies.. you have tolerated me day after day. Never have I felt left out, though I was the sole girl in class. I hope we remain the same crazy people we were, the 2 yrs we spent together. Always in touch and taunting each other.

My dear friends at work.. Thanks for accepting me into the group within a matter of days . For trusting me with secrets. For giving importance in your lives. For making me feel at home. For being a motivation to come back to work each day morning. For all the outing we enjoyed. For all walks together.For the very wonderful girls trip to Andamans! For all the tea-break chats. I am not sure where life would take us, with ever-changing nature of our work, but I would never want to lose what we share with each other.

Its rare to have friends inside our family . Meera.. you have and always will be that one person whom I can never get bored talking to. We both got busy with our lives, but we will always remain those kids who know each and every aspect of each other’s life. The ones who share the special bond of life, just like we shared Amma’s womb. We are so similar in all our differences. Couldn’t have asked for a better friend or sister than you.

Friendship never evaded me even in marriage. Having married my very close friend, I didn’t have to explain the importance of all my friendships to him. Dileep.. we met as friends.. we married as friends. Though the dynamics of the relations have changed.. we still are friends.. and need to remain the same till death does us apart. Today you are our daughter’s best friend too.

In all phases of life .. I did have lot of other special friends too. A chat-friend (whom I never met)who is still a good friend even after 13 long years. Another friend with whom I share all my anxieties and worries and brings me back to normal when my levels of stress go out of bounds. Yet another friend who supported me when I needed the most when I was worried about my kiddo starting school J All of you are unique. All of you are an integral part of me…




Songs for Programmers

Today while checking my facebook updates I came across a post by one of my friends which I found hilarious and interesting. So posting it here for all of you to enjoy (Can  be well appreciated by people who have a basic experience in computer programming )

Programming Songs:
1. Local variable
Jeena Yahan Marna Yahan,
Iske siva Jana kaahan.

2. Global variable
Musafir hoon yaaron,
na ghar hai na thikana

3. Null pointers
Mera jeevan kora kagaz kora hi reh gaya ..

4. Dangling pointers
Maut bhi aati nahi jaan bhi jati nahin.

5. The debugger
Jab koi baat bigad jaye
Jab koi mushkil pad jaye
Tum dena saath mera hamnawaz

6. From VC++ to VB
Yeh haseen vaadiyan
Yeh khula asmaan
Aa gaye hum kahan

7. Untrackable bug —
aye ajnabi, tu bhi kabhi,
awaaz de kahin se

8. Unexpected bug (esp. during presentation to client)
Ye kya hua, Kaise hua, Kab hua, Kyon hua

9. And then to the client
Jab hua, Tab hua, O chhodo, ye na socho

10. Load Balancing
Saathi haath badhana
ek akela thak jayega
mil kar bojh uthana

11. Modem – talk on a busy connection
suno – kaho,
kaha – suna,
kuch huwa kya?
Abhee to nahin…
kuch bi nahin

12. Windows getting open sourced
Parde mein rahne do
parda na uthao
parda jo uth gaya to bhed khul jayega
allah meri tauba, allah meri tauba

13. Two Recursive functions calling each other

Mujhe kuchh kehna hein
mujhe bhi kuchh kehna hein
pehle tum, pehle tum

14. GOTO
Ajeeb dastan hai yeh
Kahan shuru kahan khatam
Ye manzilen hain kaun si
Na woh samajh sake na hum

15. Hidden or Private scope Variable/value
Jaanejan .. dhoondta phir raha,
Hoon tujhe raat din, main yahan se wahan

Hope you enjoyed the songs 🙂 🙂


Pilani… PGRPE and one hell of a year….

This post is dedicated to all you wonderful people who made this one year special in Pilani.

Today, the 9th of August, we (read PGRPE) successfully complete one year of our stay in the remotest place any of us had visited-PILANI. Last year in May when I graduated from college as a proud Computer Engineer little did I know that I would have to choose between my 2 loves – Computers and Research. Finally my love for research got the better of me and as a result of an odd chain of events I secured an admission in one of the CSIR(Council of Scientific and Industrial Research) labs under the Post Graduate Research Programme in Engg(PGRPE). The dates for reporting in the campus were from 6th to 9th August,2010. After a lot of worst case scenario simulations my parents decided that it would be best to be in Pilani by 6th August since 7th and 8th were public holidays and we always assume the worst case would come true. So with a lot of apprehensions, anxieties and some hope I boarded the flight for Delhi accompanied by my mom and fiancé. The main reasons for my tension were :
1. I had no background in Electronics and the course for which I was selected was ‘ADVANCED Semiconductor Electronics” (life and its weird ways !!!)
2. I was the only female candidate who made it to the merit list in a class of 10..<sigh..>.

The course coordinator had sent instructions on how to reach Pilani from Delhi. Since we had no acquaintances in Delhi and Pilani was a 5 hour journey from the capital we decided to spend the night in the airport itself. That was a hell of a night without any sleep. The next day morning we reached the famous Kashmiri Gate Interstate Bus Terminal only to be “awed” by the filthy look it had. There was not even a single bus which looked boardable. We finally boarded the 9am bus to Pilani and the travel was tiresome on that hot and humid day. But then I got to see poverty for the first time in my life. Hailing from the state of Kerala which is famous for its uniform development, I had no idea that there were people really living in shacks all over the northern part of my country. I was under the impression that the slums of Mumbai and the like were just a minority. And on that day I realized that there could be advantages too to the socialist attitude that prevailed in my state.

We reached Pilani and got a room allotted in the guest house without much difficulty. The biggest attraction (and maybe the only attraction) here are the peacocks who roam about freely everywhere as if untouched by the human intrusion. Also I was surprised on seeing lots of trees. I was expecting those arid, dry deserts, sand dunes, women with pots of water and all those scenes which come to anyone’s mind when you think of Rajasthan. I was disappointed. I spotted even the first camel only after one or two weeks of stay here. <sigh.>

The weekend passed without much to do. Just roamed about in the BITS campus which is adjacent to our’s. Exchanged rings with my fiancé <blush>. Met my college friend in BITS and most of the time slept in my room. On 9th morning with lots of anxieties and hopes I reached the conference hall of our lab. There I found 10 new faces(none looked friendly or inviting). I still remember the only few people who even had the interest to talk to me. But all that changed as time passed by. We became best pals. But today I thank all the following people (names are not included) who made my day on 9th August 2010 [a] the one who gave me the first smile [b] one who gave me the first handshake [c] the one who lend me a pen when in need(though he did it with the weirdest of all expressions) [d] the ones who made me feel most welcome by saying they were hoping for a girl from Kerala to join to complete their group … and all others who made me feel at home in this far-off land.

The past one year has been the most eventful and hectic one in my life. Learnt a lot of new stuff– pn junctions, holes, electrons, transistors, optics, photonics, fields, waves, …….now the interesting part.. Cooking, maintaining a room, stay in hostel, roommate survival, “dealing”, surviving with boys all around and no female company,anxieties about the degree..…. Meanwhile I fractured my
leg, got my ATM card blocked for 4 months, bought a cycle which tortured me everyday, endured severe winter and summer , attended a live concert..and did so many more crazy things which I never thought I had the capability to do (thanks to all my dear brothers).. Pilani taught me a lot of lessons and gave a handful of awesome friends. As I complete one year of stay here I just want to tell you guys (classmates, batchmates and seniors(in seniors especially my ‘Di’s)) I love you all really a lot. You are the people who helped me survive through bad times and laughed with me during good times.. You are ones who stood with me through thick and thin.. You made my year soooo SPECIAL….


Sooner or Later Though You Always Have to Wake Up…..

This write-up will be better understood by those readers who have seen the movie Avatar by James Cameroon.  And I really suggest that those who have not seen the movie please do watch it. Its worth the effort.
I decided to watch the movie Avatar just because it was directed by a famous director and there was a lot of hype about the movie all around. Just like any other normal viewer..:). But half way through the movie I started understanding the message the movie was trying to convey. I started understanding that it was one of the most relevant movies I have seen in recent times. The movie talks about the greed of human beings. About what wonders nature can do.. About the extent to which human beings can deteriorate to be the ruler of all resources. .
The movie is about how humans(refered to as Sky-people) decide to mine rich natural resources from another planet named Pandora and the natives of the planet known as the Na’vis trying hard not just to safeguard the resources but also to preserve the nature of their homeland. They fight till their death to save their planet. From the surface it looks like any other normal alien movie but deep down it sends a message to the whole human race to fight for the planet we live in. Towards the climax of the movie the hero prays to the Na’vi Goddess and thats the dialogue which I felt was most relevant ..See the world we come from. There’s no green there. They killed their Mother and they’re gonna do the same here. Very True. We have killed our Mother Nature who protects and preserves us.
Our greed is never going to end. It will only keep on increasing until we ourselves become the reason for our downfall. Take for instance the Copenhagen Climate Change Summit. No one was ready to take a stand that would save the Earth. All the countries thought just about themselves and thus even a consensus could not be reached, leave alone a solid protocol or agreement. Thus it turned out to be a failure.
Indians and Africans, who are considered to be inferior races by others, have a rich heritage which we can be proud of. These two races have always worked in harmony with nature and done all that could be to safeguard it. But now what has happened to us?? Just like the Na’vis in the movie shouldn’t we too continue doing what our ancestors have done? Should we too end up being held responsible for the brutal murder of our Mother? Or should we stand up against the murderers? Its for us to decide. Lets not forget that the green cover is necessary for the human race to survive. Just like the forest decides to help the Na’vis to save their homeland Nature will appreciate any effort made by her children and help to drive away the intruders.
By the time the destroyers have realized their mistakes it’ll be too late. So lets all consider it our obligation to take up the responsibility and help save our Mother. Fight for our Mother. Without her we have no identity. Its she who preserves us. We are like babies; stupid and ignorant. Lets grow up a bit for the sake of our Mother.
So its time for us to wake up..
Save our Mother!! Save Nature!!!



Quit Tobacco!
Quit Tobacco!

Last week on the 31st of May the world observed No Tobacco day. Being a passive smoker I thought it a necessity to share my views and experiences regarding smoking along with some facts and general knowledge about the same.

Having been born with weak lungs both my sister and I have gone through a lot of pain throughout our childhood. But when we started coughing and showing signs of Asthma my Dad realized his mistake and decided that his habit which caught hold of him during his teens should not be allowed to harm anyone. We saw him struggle hard to get out of his addiction. It was even more painful seeing him go through the struggle. Gradually he reduced the number of cigarettes he smoked. But even today he has not been able to free himself totally from the clutches of the KILLER habit though the number has come down to one or 2 per day. It still pains our heart when we think about the condition of his lungs and heart and the risk on his health.

It is said that smoking in public places is banned. But still we see so many people puff happily in bus stands, trains, buses, shops, theatre and the list goes on to include each and every public place.. They don’t even care if they see an infant or a pregnant woman sitting next to them. For some people like me cigarette smoke causes suffocation and triggers an allergy within the lungs. But how can you expect a person to bother about others when he is not even bothered about himself? That’s the sad part of the story.

Most of the youngsters smoke. They feel it’s a status symbol. If they don’t smoke they feel like a fish out of water. I’ve personally asked a few friends of mine why they choose to smoke when they know it’s harmful. Always the reply has been one of these- all my friends smoke .so I too join them; its college time and it’s the only time when we get to experiment such things (Wow! What a wonderful experiment! You yourself  are the specimen!! )..I have even heard excuses like it’s the most affordable and cheap hobby!!! This habit which they start for fun finally becomes an addiction which will eventually ruin their lives. The only solution to this is to have self determination not to fall into such habits. Be obliged to your family and to your society. Believe that your health is a gift by God and it’s not yours alone. And by smoking you become a threat to the society as well. It’s not just you who is harmed.

Not only smoking but also the intake of tobacco in other forms is equally hazardous to health. You may have heard about smokeless tobacco, a sticky substance that you chew, kind of like gum, with a tobacco flavor. This product is also known as “chewing tobacco,” “spit tobacco,” and “snuff.” Many people think that smokeless tobacco isn’t harmful to your health the way cigarettes are. Not true! Chewing this stuff can cause bleeding gums, sores in the mouth that never heal, and cancer of the mouth. In addition, it may cause bad breath, hiccups, dizziness, nausea and yellow staining of the teeth. Like cigarettes, smokeless tobacco contains Nicotine, which makes it addictive too.

From May 31st all tobacco products are supposed to carry graphic pictorial warnings like the skull and cross-bones or a cancer-disfigured face or diseased lungs to highlight the hazards of tobacco intake. Let’s hope at least these signs will help to increase the awareness about what the people are sacrificing for a few moments of pleasure.


World No Tobacco Day
World No Tobacco Day



In India, over half of men (57 percent) in the age group of 15-49 years use tobacco in some form and over a tenth (10.9 percent) of women in this age group also use tobacco, according to a National Family Health Survey conducted in 2005-06.


Smoking is the most preventable cause of death. That means many of those who lose their lives because of smoking-related illnesses could probably live much longer if they didn’t smoke. Smoking can damage some of the most important organs in your body, including the lungs, heart and brain. The poisonous chemicals in cigarettes can cause emphysema (a lung disease) and bronchitis (inflammation of air passages to the lungs), heart disease, heart attacks, stroke (an interruption of the blood flow to the brain) and cancer

Here are some other effects that smoking can have on our health:

  • Hearing and vision loss
  • Arthritis                                                                                                                                                                                                                            
  • Chronic coughing, more phlegm (mucus) in your mouth and asthma
  • Decrease in athletic performance. Think about it: you can’t run as fast or jump as high if you can’t breathe properly!               
  • Cancer of the mouth, gum disease, tooth decay, and yellow staining of the teeth
  • Peptic ulcers, pancreatic cancer, bladder cancer, kidney and liver damage
  • Heartburn                                                                      
  • Diarrhea
  • Decreased circulation in the fingers and toes
  • Yellowing of fingernails and toenails
  • Bad breath
  • Wrinkles


It’s just one cigarette…but wow! That little thing has over 4,000 chemicals in it! You already know that cigarettes contain Nicotine, but did you know that Nicotine is also used in bug spray? Before you decide to light up, you might want to know just what it is that you’re inhaling. Below are just a few of the other chemicals found in cigarettes:

  • Tar. This ingredient, which gives cigarettes flavor, is the same thick black substance used to pave roads and driveways.
  • Formaldehyde. This is the same stuff used to preserve dead animals, like the frogs dissected in some biology classes.
  • Cyanide, which is also a main ingredient in rat poison.
  • Lead. It’s also found in some kinds of paint.
  • Acetone, which is a common ingredient in paint and nail polish remover.                                                                                                              
  • Ammonia. Besides the fact that it’s in many household cleaners, it’s also in cigarettes.
  • Carbon monoxide, a common pollutant and the same stuff that escapes from the exhaust in cars.
  • Hydrazine, a chemical used in jets and rocket fuel.

To give you an idea of the harm these substances can do, picture the thick gooey-ness of tar. The average smoker inhales about one cup of tar a year. Because a smoker’s lungs often don’t work as well as they should, the tar may stick and stay in there for a long time. Tar also hurts the “cilia” in a person’s airway, which are tiny hairs that protect the lungs by sweeping out mucus and germs. Tar, like many of the other chemicals in cigarettes, can cause diseases related to how we breathe, like emphysema and bronchitis.

I do admit that it’s really tough to get out of this habit once you start it. But please understand the hazard and as the first step try to reduce the number of cigarettes you smoke. Then try to stop the habit as a whole. All you people who have not started smoking yet PLEASE don’t ever get into this horrible habit. It’s like committing suicide and the worst part is that the death is slow but miserable!



                                                                                                      Say NO!



Desperate Attempt to Belittle our Culture and Heritage

This is a mail I received from a faculty of my college.. I was surprised after reading the article mentioned in this post.. If u feel u r an Indian please have a look at the article..

“Many of you may have read the article in “The Hindu” an article blatantly belittling our culture and heritage. This has been going on in a very systematic manner both by the media and the government.

Here is the article in case you did not read it

 Every one should be aware of the media bias. If educated people are not then what about the others ?!

It would be good if you can send out an email stating your strong protest to the editor of the Hindu asking them not to publish false information and mislead the people..”